Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize