Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
