I just threw up on my dentist
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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