I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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