If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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