do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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