Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
