Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
you never un-have a 4some
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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