I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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