Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
