how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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