Come see our sink grown plant.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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