and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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