Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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