captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
