I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
