i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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