dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
