I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
