There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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