I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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