I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
