Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
