Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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