weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
