Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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