btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
