I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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