dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
