Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
