Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
