You smell like stripper and shame
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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