Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
