3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
