ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
