I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
