2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
