Im at strip club and am horny
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
