I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
