You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
