I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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