we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
