I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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