Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
