Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she told me i tasted like america
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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