she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.