you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think weed is turning my hair brown
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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