Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Come see our sink grown plant.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
