i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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