FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
