Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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