before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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