4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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