I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i jhust puked up my retainher.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
