the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
