My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
