Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so let's talk penis.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
