I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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