Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
