I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
