What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
