That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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