Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
