Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
