Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
