Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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